


turquoise petals on my fingers, in my lungs

by mish_mish



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hahahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, really heartbroken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-04 18:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15152933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mish_mish/pseuds/mish_mish
Summary: hanahaki disease AUThe heart crumbles in his hands, something whines lingeringly in his chest and beautiful turquoise flowers twist around his ribs. Stephen Strange knows what that means. He already feels the velvety petals sticking to his throat and choked him, when he looks at Tony Stark a little longer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.”

[ ](https://ibb.co/dOowrd)

It’s hard to remember when it started. Stephen is sure that this happened clearly not on the day they met. Perhaps this has been built up over time, gathered with every amazing thing that Tony Stark has.

He still breathed with lungs free from the petals, when they fought with Thanos and when he turned to ashes from Thanos snap. Even when he returned from captivity in the Soul Stone, there no any flowers in his chest yet. Stephen breathed calmly and looked at Tony Stark without feeling a shiver in his chest, not feeling a hot fire running through his veins. He thanked Tony for saving the world and shook his hand, completely unaware that six months later he would suffocate on the floor of the Sanctum, cough out the petals of turquoise phlox.

Stephen does not know how it happened; he breathes deeply, gasping for air and pulls away the Cloak that flutters around him with worry. It is eager to help, but there is hardly anything that can help Stephen Strange. He had already hurt himself by unintentionally falls in love with Tony Stark. And his love is so full with despair that even the flowers began to grow in his chest.

Stephen feels his hands tremble as his whole body in a cold sweat, when a wave of nausea torments. Stephen can not get up; he again and again chokes on a cough and carelessly removes the petals from his lips. The phlox petals are thin and soft, moist from saliva and so beautiful, looking more like butterflies. Looking at them, Stephen thinks sadly about whose fault is that they blossomed.

Tony Stark has no idea that his existence slowly kills Stephen. He visits Sanctum without invitation, repeatedly urges Stephen to join the Avengers, touches ancient relics endlessly, and Strange feels how tiny stems on his ribs become bigger, like if they grow with redoubled force.

Tony seems to be in the habit of lingering here in Sanctum and having conversations with Wong while Stephen falls apart into hundreds of thousands of turquoise phloxes from his one presence beside him. Each meeting is unbearable for Strange, but he can not deprive himself of them. He also can not tell Tony that when he leaves, Stephen coughs without stopping and covers the floor with petals from his lungs. Tony does not need to know about this, because he does not need another reason to blame himself for something. Especially in such a trifle as Stephen Strange’s unrequited love for him. And the sorcerer himself would like this to be a trifle, so that he could endure it. A trifle, where the flowers wilted and scattered like withered petals, but he knows that he simply will not live to see it. He’ll choke sooner than this happens.

Stephen seems to be in a desperate trap, because he knows that he can not expect that help, this desired salvation from Stark. Tony loves Pepper. He loves her so much and it breaks Stephen’s heart into small pieces.

And Stephen wants to howl in pain that tears his heart in half. He wants to cough up all the petals, all the flowers that he has inside, because no matter how much the mind does say that Stark is not his, that he will never be his, the stupid heart continues to grow with flowers, continues to love him blindly.

And now, looking at Tony and Pepper standing in the distance, the sorcerer for the first time suffocates not from the flowers that rooted in his lungs, which completely encircled his ribs, which slowly crawled to his throat. He looks at the couple and suffocates by how badly every cell in his body hurts, every little flower inside of him howling from unrequited love. Stephen looks at Tony and turns away quickly, not knowing why he agreed to appear at this meeting anyway. He simply could not refuse when Stark insisted. Tony just wanted to see everyone with whom he fought on Titan against Thanos. He just wanted to make sure that they really won, that everyone is really alive.

The Cloak on his shoulders wraps himself around Stephen as if embracing him tight, and Strange exhales briefly, returning his attention to Tony. Stephen has no other choice but to close his eyes and sigh heavily, already feeling the taste of the grass on the tongue.

On his left, Peter Parker looks at him with a worried look, takes a step forward, and Strange shakes his head, does not let him come nearer. He pulls his hand to his lips; Stephen does not want anyone to see this weakness of him, and to know that he is slowly dying.

Turquoise petal between his fingers is felt like a small velvety shred. Stephen looks at it and ignoring everyone else. It seems to him that if he will make a small movement, then thin stems will break his ribs, flowers break through the skin on his hands and climb out of his veins. And no matter how much Stephen did not think about cutting out all the phloxes from his chest, he never goes for it. Stephen Strange knows that nobody ever will perform this surgery better than him. He knows that without him as surgeon there is almost no chance of success.

And Stephen hates it so much, but he can not even give it up for a fucking minute. He already does not know what it means not to love Tony Stark, not to suffocate from the petals in his throat, not to die every day.

Stephen is a doctor and he knows that he is left no more than two months before the flowers will fill him completely and he’ll take his last breath.

He looks at Tony with love so tremulous, with such devotion, with a seething and poisonous flower disease, and Stephen knows that if he had a choice, he would not change anything.

Stephen would doubtlessly allow himself to fall in love with Stark again and again. He would have burned up himself in jealousy and longing again and cough out of himself flowers that looked like butterflies over and over again, but would have loved Tony Stark endlessly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the sequel! I decided to split it into two parts, because it came out pretty big and I did not have time to prepare the whole text.

It’s hard to say when everything changed.

He looks at Stephen Strange’s lowered shoulders and realizes that something is clearly not right. It’s not that Tony knew exactly how things are and how Stephen should be, but for all the time that he knows the sorcerer, Stark realizes that something has clearly changed. Tony feels this sudden remoteness of another man, and he suffocates as if the noose around his neck is tightened.

When Tony once again appears in Sanctum, this visit is unofficial and not necessarily at all. It is difficult for him to say what exactly pulls him here again, but he likes to be here. In Sanctum it smells different, and he feels himself here, as in another dimension. And, of course, here is Stephen Strange, who is like a mystery to be solved.

And recently there are also turquoise petals scattered on the floor. The flowers are small and bright, and they remind Tony of the butterflies that he saw on Titan. The same ones as those which was created by Stephen in the battle with Thanos. Hundreds of thousands of butterfly flowers that wiggle their petals.

Tony picks up the petals and feels how everything starts to ache in his chest and how sadness runs through his veins. He thinks about many things, but not that someone in Sanctum has a love disease. Stark touches the petals with his fingers and gently strokes them.

When Stephen shows up from the other room, Tony drops almost all the flowers. Strange is pale, his cheekbones are sharper, and the gray hair on his temples seems to be more distinct, and Tony steps closer to him, noticing each of these things. Stark asks directly about what happens to him, but he does not get a response.

Tony guesses about everything almost by accident, while looking at the ceiling of his bedroom and recalls the sensation of flowers on his fingers. It’s so ridiculous to suffer from unrequited love!

Unrequited love seems such an absurdity, such a mediocre thing that only teens are experiencing. How can it be serious enough to suffer from it?

Tony himself never felt the pain of unrequited love, and he had never seen others experience it. He never faced a disease that grows out of the empty hopes and one-sided love. It was always just an simple love that did not give seeds for beautiful suffocating flowers. Ordinary love, which was never destined to become pure, the deepest love that so rarely could be experienced.

And when he first sees how Stephen Strange coughs out the petals of turquoise phlox, he thinks about that he would like to be loved so much that the flowers would sprout inside. With this pure love.

Tony perceives this disease as something tragically beautiful, a kind of gloomy bonus to unrequited love, but when Stephen becomes paler with each passing day, Stark understands how terrible it can be.

What does it mean to suffocate from love? To fade and disintegrating into atoms because your love is unrequited? Tony does not know. Tony never felt anything like that. But he looks at Stephen Strange, and suddenly a stupid disease from one-sided love no longer seems stupid.

And then something happens that makes Tony idle for a moment.

He is visits Sanctum again, takes new attempt to get Stephen out of this dusty museum of relics and to show him a new laboratory at the headquarters of the Avengers. Strange ignores Tony and send him back to the door, repeats that he is not interested in anything like that. Tony is ready to argue when Stephen is groaning with pain.

Stephen coughs heavily, catches wet petals from his throat and trembles with pain, and Tony paralyzes for a second, looking at the other man. This is so tragically beautiful, that it covers the blood in Stark’s veins with ice.

And then Tony steps forward as if something pushing him into the back. He grabs Stephen’s arm, not letting him fall, and immediately gets hit by the Cloak. It slaps him on the arm, until Tony does not let go of Stephen and steps away from him.

“Strange, what…” His voice is confused and misunderstood, when Cloak again cuts off his try to step closer to the sorcerer. “Pacify your insane cape, doc. I want to help!”

“Go away,” Stephen says, half-strangled. “Please, Stark, leave.”

But Tony can not. How can he leave someone when they are in such pain?

Tony tries to come up again, but Stephen in one movement of trembling hands creates a portal behind him. He apologizes softly, when Cloak pushes Tony into the ring of glowing sparks and sending him to the Avengers tower.

And Tony is drowning in despair and ignorance of what is going on with Stephen. He wants to jump into a suit and go to Bleecker Street and, if necessary, blow the door. But he does not do it.

In his hands are turquoise petals; soft and velvety, so beautiful and alive. Tony looks at them and does not dare to throw them away, not knowing what to do with them.


	3. Chapter 3

The desire to help is very strong. Tony almost erases himself to the dust, but still does not find anything that he can do. Stephen refuses surgery and says that he has tried hundreds of spells that turned out to be useless. And he looks so sad that Stark does not want to give up.

He tries to do everything alone, until curious Peter Parker appears in the lab for an update to the suit.

“It’s … It’s Dr. Strange’s flowers, right?” He asks, looking at the phloxes that lie on the table.

Tony turns to him, looks a bit surprised and watches Peter touches the petals with his fingertips. Maybe it’s not so strange that the boy noticed these symptoms of a flower disease, but Tony still does not want him to take part in it. Tony remembers how Stephen throw up the flowers, and this was really scary and sad. That’s why Tony just nods to Peter and says that he is looking for ways that can help Stephen. When he adds that he can try to find the person in whom the sorcerer is in love, and that this can somehow help, Peter looks at him in confusion.

“Mr. Stark …” Parker says, and hastily clears his throat, “but it’s you the one that Dr. Strange…”

Tony does not believe it. He looks at Peter and frowns, not understanding what has been said, until in his head, finally, the puzzle is so perfectly formed. And it knocks out all the air from his chest, burns everything inside him with fire and, as if it deeply pulls Tony to the bottom. _So that’s what this is all about._

Tony looks at the phlox petals on his hands and shakes them hastily, as if they are infectious, as if they filled with venom that poisoned Stephen Strange. But now Tony knows that there was no poison at all. He did this with the sorcerer. He planted these phloxes, and this is he who contributed to their growth with his every visit to Sanctum. It was he who was to blame for the fact that Stephen was coughing flowers.

Tony rises from the table, looks at the quiet Peter Parker for a second and hastily leaves the room. Tony throws all the petals in the trash can. All the petals that he so tenderly collected, that he wanted so much to be for him, and now they are like a plague for him. And his hands tremble so randomly and all his thoughts are about Stephen who loves him so much, and who dies for this love.

Stephen hardly gets up from the couch that stands in the southern wing of Sanctum, almost at the library. He leans against the wall and reaches the bookshelf.

A month has passed since he saw Tony Stark for the last time. Stephen knew that Tony would no longer appear on his doorstep, but, like a fool, he still waited for him all this month. He was waiting for his usual visits.

Tony did not come, and Stephen wanted to see him so much, he wanted to talk to him before he suffocated. And Stephen wanted so desperately that Stark come to him for some advice in the magic or just for a little conversation! Stephen even endured the most painful attack for this.

But Tony seemed to have forgotten about him, as if he had erased Stephen from his life. He seemed to try to make it so that Strange would heal and stop growing flowers in his chest, but it does not work like that, it’s get only worse. And it seems to Stephen that his flowers tear him from inside with spines. The blood on the hands no longer scares him, and the flowers are no longer so beautiful with these blackened edges. They are dying, too.

And Stephen does not really blame Tony for anything, even for the fact that he’s not around him right now, even for this lonely death. He loves him too much to start blaming.

This is not cowardice. This is not anger. Tony feels that he is to blame for the fact that Stephen coughs phloxes. He thinks about it every day, covering his eyes and seeing behind closed eyelids turquoise flowers.

And Tony is ready to howl with all that inner pain and anguish that has plagued him since he knew the whole truth. It’s his fault. He really liked to spend hours on Bleecker Street, he liked to talk with wizards, and he got used to them and cherished this friendship, which seemed to heal his old wounds.

Tony enjoyed spending his time at Sanctum, not even thinking a second about that his presence shortening someone’s life. And he annoys Stephen with conversations all the time, and flirted with him habitually, not even realizing that he was strangling Strange in flowers, in unrequited love.

And Stark is so sorry that he can not save the sorcerer, that the friendship is not enough to etch all the phloxes out of the lungs and to get all the shoots out. Tony would like to force himself to fall in love with Stephen. He would like to change everything, but he can not.

Stark does not appear at Sanctum. He hopes that he will be able to delay the inevitable by his absence, but he almost burns himself out in sorrow. And every day Tony wakes up with terrible thoughts about whether Strange is still alive, whether he is still breathing, whether he is still loves him. Tony wants to know, he wants to find himself on the doorstep of Sanctum Santorum, smiling habitually and repeatedly trying to put his hand over Stephen’s shoulder when Cloak does not allow him do it. He wants to go back to how it was, and not to plunge headlong into this pain.

Pepper hugs him tightly when he almost falls apart. He repeats again and again that all the blame for Strange’s suffering on him. And, he feels that the day he wakes up and finds out that Stephen is gone, he will lose himself.

What are the feelings of understanding that it’s your fault that a person dies and in order to save him, you need to do something that you can never do? Tony thinks that hopeless agony and devastation in the chest are exactly these feelings. He would like to fall in love with Stephen. He would like to save him, but instead he only collects the turquoise petals with his fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last part. Maybe I will have the mood to write another extra part, so stay tuned. but I still will not promise anything.  
> I hope that you liked this sad au story (and of course it is important for me to know if you would like an extra one)  
> thanks for reading and for letting me break your hearts. love you


End file.
